If you’ve decided you want to move on from a relationship, the way you break up with your boyfriend sets the tone for all your future interactions. Even if you think you’ll never see him again, you might want to avoid the worst ways to break up.
Make sure that you’re not using one of the absolutely unacceptable ways to end a relationship, that usually end up reflecting poorly on yourself.
Breaking Up by Phone, Text, Email or Social Media
Any relationship that last more than a 2-3 dates or 10-14 days needs to be ended in person. Even if the guy knows it’s coming, it’s best for everyone involved to have a talk face to face. Breaking up from a distance is in really poor taste, unless you’re dealing with someone who can be a threat for your safety.
Forcing Him to Break Up with You
Definitely one of the worst ways to break up, putting the decision to end it in his lap is almost always a poor decision. Whether that means being more and more rude to your partner or even “helping” him discover you’ve moved on by cheating, just don’t.
Lying About Needing Some Space or Time for Yourself
If you know the relationship is over, there’s no such thing as letting him down easy. Asking to go on a break or claiming you need some space when you know you’ll start dating right away is not cool. If you know you’re done, be honest to yourself and your partner.
Telling Him Right After Sex
Don’t have the talk in bed. One of the worst ways to break up is giving him the news right after you’ve had sex or shared a little intimacy together. If you want to have sex one more time before the breakup, you’ll also have to face him in different circumstances to tell him it’s over, so you don’t come across as selfish and inconsiderate.
Letting a Third Party Deal with It
When you start telling people you’re single before you’ve actually broken up, you’re making sure that he’ll get the news from a friend or acquaintance. Don’t try to pass the responsibility to anyone, whether it’s your partner’s best friend, mother, sister or anyone you think could do your dirty work for you.
Disappearing from his life by stopping answering his calls or even worse, phasing him out while claiming everything is OK, is also one of the worst ways to break up. You risk hurting your boyfriend and turning him into a bitter guy. Of course you’re not responsible for his future relationships, but don’t treat him differently than you’d expect him to treat you during a breakup… with a little consideration.
Claiming You’re Honest When You’re Actually Mean
If you put off the breakup for too long, you risk getting more and more frustrated with the situation and taking it out on your boyfriend. If he ask for a reason, be honest, but don’t use that as an opportunity to be mean or outright cruel. Tell him you’re disappointed that it didn’t work out, and give him a real reason about your incompatibility.
Breaking Up in a Public Place
Unless you’re afraid for your safety, one of the worst ways to break up is doing it in a public place. You’re showing your boyfriend that you don’t trust him to react like an adult, and that insult might actually push him into a huge public tantrum. Do him the courtesy of letting him say what he has to say in private when you’re calling it quits.
See also: 10 Signs You’re About to Get Dumped
Giving False Hopes
You’ll only hurt him more by letting him down easy if that means giving false hopes about a future in which you might reconsider. Meeting him for sex once the relationship is over might also be a bad idea, since he will think of it as a good sign if he didn’t want the relationship to end.
Having Your New Boyfriend Break the News
Letting the new person in your life break the news to your ex is definitely one of the worst ways to break up. Make sure they don’t interact before you end the relationship yourself.
Breaking Up on a Special Day
Whether it’s on Valentine’s Day, on an anniversary or birthday… it’s just tacky and cruel. If you can’t stand to spend another day with him, lie that you’re sick or an emergency came up and do it a few days later.
Doing It in Front of Friends and/or Family
The extra humiliation is definitely one of the worst ways to break up. Be considerate and end the relationship the right way, the way you’d want to be dumped.