FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.! "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine".

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD. At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing".

I’m sure many of you have begged your parents at least once or twice for that “special” gift for your birthday or Christmas. And chances are, you’ve failed at least once. I’m here to tell you the tips, tricks, and subtle psychological ways to get what you want. And you want the big gift. An iPod, a computer, or possibly even a car. Now keep in mind, though this is easy and works about 90% of the time, it takes time to execute properly. Just remain diligent and don’t take your mind off of your goal.

Phase 1:

-First, you start out with the basics. Just ask your parents for what you want. Do this a few months in advance, so these phases aren’t too close together and become annoying. Ask both, though, so they both know that you do, in fact, want this gift. Now, the other thing to do is find your “weak” parent. Which is more likely to give in and buckle under the pressure? Which one is less likely to beat you with a stick for asking 20 times?

Phase 2:

-This is probably the worst phase as it requires you to act a bit childish and knock off a few maturity points. You have to stress that you don’t want this, you need this. Say you really want it, let them know it’s needed to fit in and to be considered normal by your peers, lest you be ridiculed for not having what they have. See, this phase let’s them know you mean business. You weren’t joking when you asked originally, you weren’t just throwing it out there and hoping for a miracle. When you asked, you meant it.

Phase 3

-Alright, this should be done a couple weeks after the first two phases. The objective now is to keep this thought in your parent’s mind. You’re not asking anymore, or else you’ll become a nuisance and your parent will be more likely to just say no. So, you lighten the mood, you make some jokes. “Hey [parent], I bet an iPod would come in handy right about now” or “Ya know, if I had a car, you wouldn’t have to drive me everywhere.” Make it blatantly sarcastic so they don’t really get angry, but it still keeps the thought in mind and may possibly get them thinking about the advantages of buying you your desired gift.

Phase 4:

-Now, we’ll elaborate on the advantages. Show them the positive effects of this gift. If it’s a car, that means parents no longer need to give you a ride everywhere. A computer may cut down on the time you’re hogging the family computer. Perhaps it’s a game system and by getting this, it’d give you a reason to get a job to pay for future games. You get the point, right? This tactic is complimented by cutting out articles and information and showing your parents. You know what you want, you want them to know why, and you’re taking the initiative to do some work yourself to save them trouble. Plus, this also benefits you so they don’t get you the wrong gift. You want an Xbox 360, not a regular Xbox.

Phase 5:

-We’re almost done. Basically, you want to act like you know you’re getting this gift. Make audible, but seemingly random comments such as “Wow, I’d love to get [item], but I can’t since I’m getting [gift of choice]”. Maybe you want to follow up on this with a “I guess I could get a job to pay for [item]”. This is like an alarm for parents telling them that you’re mature, you’re responsible, and that you’ll do what’s necessary for what you want. Now they actually think you deserve this gift. If you do these things correctly, you should end up with your desired gift.

This does work! I have used this tactic many times and in doing so, I’ve aquired a TV, computer, guitar, stereo, expensive books and probably more things that I can’t think of. Some call it immature, I call it strategy. Just remember these things and you’ll do fine:

+--Employ no more than one Phase a week. It doesn’t hurt to do one every few weeks, depending on how early you started.

+--If your parent(s) get annoyed, take a break and wait for them to cool down. This could be a few days or it could be a week. Just be patient.

+--Make sure to also ask for another bigger gift. One that you don’t want as much, yet you are less likely to get. This then ensures you get the next biggest thing. Keep in mind, this may be hard to do when asking for a car.

+--Sneak a few hints to grandparents. They’re the most likely to get you what you want. So even if they don’t get you it, they can guilt trip your parent into doing so.

+--The week before the holiday event is the week you should stress this the most. Use any of the phases in any order whenever you can in this final weak. Think of it as a “final push” towards getting what you want.

Good luck y'all