who i am hates who i've been.

i have noticed that over the course of my life i have not only changed physically and mentally but also i am a totally different person.

all that mattered to me was how i looked.  i wanted to be beautiful.  i wanted to fit in.

i was bleach blonde and rail thin...i starved myself.  i could barely make it up a flight of stairs i was so weak.

i listened to the music that i hated but it was what everyone else loved.

i was living my life in a box watching someone else take over my life.

i was so worried i would be considered a freak.  i wanted to be loved by all.

i became just another girl in the crowd. 

i lived to blend in.  i lived to be what he wanted to have.

he one of the most beautiful boys i had ever seen.

he had wild long shaggy hair.  he wore the nice clothes

he was a trend setter.  he looked different but on the inside he was like everyone else.

he made me want to fit in.

but i was never happy in that chase.

i was striving to be the head cheerleader. 

but the time passed and i started make more mistakes. 

i had messed up ways because my mind was set on that boy. 

finally i got to the point where i forgot why i even liked him. 

what was it i saw. 

but one evening i was with my new friends and then i believed.

i saw him.  the most amazing man alive.

he was beautiful in more than one way

a beautiful mind, personality, and he had me at hello.

he was the reason i wanted to fix my ways.

i was a sinner who fell in love with a saint...

i fixed my ways, he was my redemption.

but then my world came crashing in. 

this saint wanted something different

he knew who his angel was

he wanted her

and why wouldnt he, she was perfect. 

beautiful and a saint

they were together.

he was happy.

then she turned out to be a demon

she broke his heart

but he still had hope.

now this saint has another angel in mind.

the angel of the light.

and me. 

i found myself.

but i am still broken, but like a broken mirror i cannot be fixed without sacrifice

none have tried to fix me, none have been willing to pay the price

and now i live on.

broken heart and all.

i move through the night.

wishing to find redemption

but that is not possible

because of

hells angel.

 

 

**the pictures are of me before and after.

***i was diagnosed with anerexia nervousa

****i was 4'11" and weighed 60lbs in 7th grade(age:12) .

*****8th (age: 13) grade i was 5'2" and weighed 68lbs.

******now i am 5'5" and weigh 116lbs.   i had a long and hard recovory.

*this is a very poetic version of my story.

**and with recovery came self discovery.       

 

i am a sophmore( age: 16)  now, i am myself and very happy with who i am but i have my sad moments.

who doesnt.

dont blend in, be yourself...who cares if you stand out. 

 

dont be unhealthy just to try and impress people.  being too skinny and being someone else is not beautiful

 

just be happy.  live for today because tomorrow isnt promised.  and i dont know about you but i want to remember being me and having fun than being someone else and not having fun.