Every year a local fair will come into town filled with rides, entertainment, and food.  And every year each person has their routine for when they enter the fair. 

  The rides are about the same each time, the experience changes, as we get older. There are the small rides for kids, like the spinning strawberry or a little train. Then there are the big rides for adults, like giant roller coasters and drops. I personally am inexperienced with adult rides because I just chicken out usually. I stick to slow rides if I want a lazy day and pig out so that my food doesn’t come back up.

  Bumper cars are still popular amongst the young and old. I mean, who doesn’t love trying to ram into someone else and feel like a racer? I know I do.  And people rush into it once they enter because they want to pick their favorite pretty/ badass bumper car. It’s true. I stand in line waiting and people are already conversing about which car they are getting when it’s their turn. The ride is only about 10 minutes, people. You act like you’re picking a bumper car for life. But I’m not hating because I do it too.

  The mirror/glass mazes are the worst. If you get claustrophobic, then DO NOT try this. You’ll find yourself either bumping into yourself (the mirror) or leaving a nice face mark (the glass). If you don’t have a sense of direction and lack coordination, you will definitely get lost and freak yourself out. I’ve seen people pass out. And I’m like “WTF. It’s so easy if you just remember where you stepped last.” And almost every maze has either a slide in the end that’s always filled with shocking static or the weird ass round barrel that you have to walk through. I prefer this ride either at the beginning or end of the day.

  Then comes the common haunted house ride that lasts like 5 minutes. It’s sometimes slow and fast once in a while then you just get off. They just have flashing lights, sounds, smoke, and weird people in cheap costumes.

  These are many of the rides at the fair and my views on them. I can keep going but I don’t want to drag it out too much.

  Now, for the money wasters. The things that suck the life out of your wallet and leave it with moths flying out.  Entertainment and food.

  First off, most of the food is WAY OVERPRICED. A hot dog for $6? Really? Or a soda for $5 dollars. Most people are unaware that there are other stands that sell the same thing for less. One way to save your money is to just cough up your bills and buy the large free-refill drink. You pay like $10 and get free refills the whole day at any stand. If you chose just to pay small drink here and there, you’re looking at spending over $30 on drinks already.

  As for food, you just gotta get lucky and hope a tent has it for cheap AND big. Buy a foot long corn dog for $5 and it’ll leave you full for about 2 hours, give or take.  If you want a funnel cake, which are so fucking delicious. You may waste your money on that because I don’t care how much I spend on it, because it’s heaven. Don’t trust the burgers a lot. Sometimes they are poor quality and will leave you rushing to the bathroom every once in a while. Go for the buffets and actual meals. Turkey legs are great. Cover it with salt and pepper and you are good to go. Leave that for the end of the day, before you leave, because you may get messy a bit.

  Now for the entertainment. People will always be yelled at to “THROW THE BALL AND GET A PRIZE” or “YOU! COME HERE AND PLAY!” These game workers are kind of like cons. You have to PAY ATTENTION to how hard the game is, how floozy the game pieces are, and the PRICE. They always get people with the prices.  If they say, “ONE GAME FOR $2 BUT I’LL GIVE YOUA DEAL AND GIVE YOU 3 GAMES FOR $6”. People, it’s math! Do the math! If he is giving you 3 games and one game costs $2, what is 2x3? 6!! If you have simple math skills then you know that they make other people around you look like dumbasses.  Also, those games are unfair. The mechanics are shit and the claw machine is loose as hell. Go for games that work well with YOUR skills. Then you win the big prizes. If you have amazing aim, try out the dart balloons or the water guns. If you are strong as fuck, then do the hammer. If you can mind fuck, then go to the “GUESS YOUR WEIGHT” section and other brainteasers. I’m pretty sure not ALL the workers are smart. Just lie about your weight and height and turn the tables while doing those types of games. Ladies, crack a smile every now and then to kind of befriend a game worker to at least give you one free shot or a tiny toy for trying.

  Performances are great. Some are better than other and actually worth the money. If you want to waste your money and see kids performing and amateurs then be my guest because they price it way too high. Spend $20 and go see the oriental performances and the culture ones because those are GREAT! You get acrobats, beautiful girls and guys, laughs, and inspiration.

  Other forms of entertainment are free to others, like walking around the shops and looking sculptures. Or stay behind the gate of other performances so that you don’t have to pay for them.

  What’s one thing almost EVERYONE hates about the fair? The bathrooms. They stink like holy hell and you are directed while inside the bathroom to a stall! I’m like “Lady, you do not have to direct me to a fucking stall. I can see that one is open and you do not have to check up on me. If I have to take shits then do not knock my stall door!” When you’re washing your hands, the lady looks at you. What the hell am I gonna do? Steal the paper towel roll?! If you want to have a completely amazing time at the fair then skip the bathrooms. But, if you just have to go then find one that doesn’t smell as bad and/or have a directing person inside. 

  Also, if you someone famous. DO NOT become a crying child! It's not a good look. Be chill and treat them will a "hello" and a compliment. You never know, maybe you'll end up becoming good friends with them.

            That pretty much wraps up the fair and my advice and my observations of it. Hope you enjoyed.