If you’re hoping for a long-term relationship, getting along with your boyfriend’s friends is very important. Thinking that you can just phase them out of his life rarely ends up as a success story, so you should be more focused on dealing with the situation.
Here’s what to do and what not to do when his friends don’t like you, from trying to connect with them the right ways to asking for help when you’re really getting frustrated about the situation.
Are You Sure They Don’t Care for You?
There are plenty of reasons why his friends aren’t invested in connecting to you right away, and most of them aren’t personal. If your guy has a lot of relationships, they simply might not want to invest their time in you when they think you’ll out of the picture soon enough. Ex-girlfriends his friends loved are another obstacle, but you shouldn’t automatically assume they hate you just because they seem a bit cold when you first meet them.
Start Making an Effort
When his friends don’t like you, the quickest way to their hearts might be as simple as buying a round when you’re all at a bar or getting take out for them when they’re visiting. Making an effort isn’t just about giving them stuff, you also have to stay open and nice and be willing to listen to them and engage.
Ask Your Partner for Support
If things are getting worse, it’s not the end of the world to ask your partner for support. Even if they don’t like you, his friends shouldn’t be openly dismissive and he definitely shouldn’t allow them to act that way toward you. Tell your guy you’ve been making an effort and ask if there’s anything he can do to help.
Don’t Respond in the Same Way
When his friends don’t like you and can even act nasty toward you, the wrong way to go is to respond in the same manner. Keep a smile on your face and analyze the situation. If they’re only picking on you, then ignore it until they get to know you better. If they talk like that to each other and throw insulting jokes at each other, you might need to join in if you want to be accepted in the group.
See also: How to Avoid Arguing with Your Partner
Give It Time
If things are going well in your relationship and his friends aren’t trying to sabotage it in any way, time can probably solve the issue. His male friends can see you as a buzz kill even if you know you can be a lot of fun. They’ll eventually learn to accept you, as long as you keep being nice and you don’t give them any reasons, like criticizing them constantly to your partner.
Consider Any Big Changes That You Might Have Caused
Sometimes the animosity that you feel is aimed your way when his friends don’t like you can simply be an effect of the changes your boyfriend is making. If he’s cutting back on alcohol and eating better and going to gym more since you started dating, his friends might simply blame you for the change that’s taking their drinking buddy away from them.
Have Back Up
Having someone else than your boyfriend in your corner can certainly help. Ask one of your friends to tag along when you have to see all of his friends. Just make sure that she understands she’s there to make you more likable, not stand up for you in a confrontational and awkward way.
Show Your Interest
One of easiest things you can do when his friends don’t like you is to show your sincere interest in things that are important to them. Of course it would be nice if they’d make an effort to make you feel welcome in their group, but if it’s not happening, you have to do more than buy drinks and food for them.
Pick Your Battles
Even if you feel like your boyfriend should intervene more in the situation, it’s important to pick your battles. Ask for for support when one of his friends is really being rude or unfair to you. Don’t go running to him for every little conflict that you can solve on your own.
Never Give an Ultimatum
When his friends don’t like you and actually try to convince your man that you’re not right for him, the one thing to do is keep the moral high ground. Do not give ultimatums or ask your boyfriend to pick between you and a friend or two. Even if he chooses you, it’s not a victory, it’s a loss for your relationship in the long run.