Whether you’re getting married in a church, at city hall or on the beach, personalized vows can help make the moment truly special, both for you and for all the guests. Find out how to write your own vows and what you need to consider to make them truly shine.

It doesn’t matter of you’ve decided to write the wedding vows on your own or collaborate with your partner, these simple tips will guide you towards the right direction.

Start by Confirming You Can Use Personalized Vows

Weddings can create a lot of anxiety, so before you start working on your vows, find out if the officiant wants to review them in advance. That also helps you set up a deadline, so you don’t stay up on the night before your wedding thinking of what to write.

Don’t Put It Off

The early bird get to write the best vows, so don’t put them off once you’ve settled on writing personalized vows. When you start early, you’ll have a lot more time to polish them and even to practice them in order to make sure that the flow and delivery is just right. This doesn’t mean you should worry about how to write your own vows at each step of the wedding planning. Schedule a few hour-long breaks for relaxation and brainstorming.

Create the Outline

It’s best that your vows have the same structure as your fiancé’s and if you’re struggling coming up with one, the easiest choice is the three step personalized vow. Start with talking about things that you love for your partner, follow it with the promises you’re making, and finish with a look to the future.

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Find the Right Tone

Wondering how to write your own vows without sticking to a tone that isn’t right for you? The right mixture when you’re going for a humorous yet touching tone is to always start with the serious part, and insert the funny comments at the end of your sentence. If 99% of your vows are romantic, humorous touches can feel off.

Decide on a Common Structure

The best way to prove your compatibility on your wedding day is to have the same vow structure as your fiancé. Start by discussing the verbs you’ll use in the promise part and make sure you share at least one similar element, whether it’s the intro or, much more fitting, the end of the personalized vows.

Keep the Length in Check

A big part of worrying how to write your own vows is the length. If your vows go over a minute, they’ll probably feel like they’re dragging. Stick to a maximum word count agreed upon with your fiancé.

Consider the Impact Your Fiancé Had on Your Life So Far

Thinking about the way your life has changed since your future husband came into the picture is an excellent vow writing tip. How did you feel when he proposed? Make sure that you mention these important aspects in your personalized vows.

Speak from the Heart

Even if you feel like you’re not eloquent or romantic enough to write something worthy of your man, following is your heart is the most important advice when you’re wondering how to write your own vows.

Don’t Worry about Not Coming Up with the Perfect Vows

Once you’ve got the outline and you know everything you need to include in your vows, you can continue to polish them, but stop obsessing about the perfect vows. Trading notes with your fiancé along the way can help with that, since he’s probably facing bigger obstacles than you are.

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Write for the Audience Too, Not Just for Him

Even you know how to write your own vows that will be perfect for your fiancé, he isn’t the only member of the audience. Try to stay away from too many cryptic references that only the two of you share. A few are fine, but you also want your friends and family to feel like they’re included in your special day.

Practice Your Vows

Even if writing came easy, practicing your vows out loud can help you see if they’re dragging or rushed. Practice makes perfect, and it will also make remembering them a lot easier.

Come Back to the Formal Vows

If all the tips on how to write your own vows fell flat, and you still feel like you’re stuck with no good idea, come back to formal vows. You don’t have to abandon the personalized ones, but traditional vows can help you reconnect with the essence of what you’re trying to convey.