Seeing the conflicts in your relationship as battles where there’s a winner and a loser isn’t really healthy, but there is a way where you can both win by getting better at compromising and getting over disagreements.
Find out how to win a fight together without any hurt feelings and without anyone feeling unappreciated or belittled. If you both put aside any need to be right all the time, consider each other’s feelings and what’s best for your relationships, you can reduce the number and intensity of your fights.
Don’t Start It
The best way to win a fight is to simply avoid starting it. Even if your guy is dead set on having an argument, don’t allow yourself to get heated or raise your voice. Regardless of what you feel about who’s to blame in this scenario, take it upon yourself to avoid the fight.
Show Empathy Before Expecting It
When you simply can’t diffuse the situation, one of the best ways to win a fight together is to show empathy. But before you demand it from him, make sure that your man understands that you do see his point of view, and respect his arguments. Once he realizes you’re not being irrationally defensive, he’ll stop it too, and have an easier time understanding where you’re coming from.
You’ll never end a fight with both of you in a good place if you don’t listen. If you’re only focused on what to say next and how to refute the “opposition”, you’re not truly listening to what he’s saying. If you want to be heard when you speak, offer him the same courtesy. Once he’s finished, you can think about what to say next, now that you have the full picture.
Stay on Topic
In the heat of the moment, your natural impulse might be to bring up your partner’s old mistakes. You have to fight it and stay on topic if you really want to win a fight together. Bringing up different issues will only prolong the conflict and turn it into a personal attack. Stay focused on the subject in order to solve it through compromise.
See also: Fights Every Couple Has
Accept Your Responsibility
Very few conflicts are 100% caused by a single person in a relationship. You shouldn’t be focused on assigning blame, but accepting responsibility. Even if your part in it is tiny, it’s important that you own up to it, so your guy doesn’t feel like you’re mounting a full scale attack and blaming him for the entire thing.
Avoid Reopening Old Issues
Once a matter is settled, let it rest. Bringing it up again and again when you’re having a disagreement about an unrelated topic is never a good idea. You won’t be able to win a fight together if either of you feels like the other still has plenty of resentment over things that should have been put to rest.
Accept That Not Everything Can Be a Compromise
Not every problem can be solved through compromise. Sometimes the only way to move forward is one of you making a unilateral sacrifice for the sake of the relationship. It’s important to keep these sacrifices balanced in the long run, without keeping score on the small things. When you can’t calmly reach a compromise, take some time to think about it and figure out the right way to move forward.
Sometimes you can find yourselves arguing instead of sticking together. You can win a fight together by simply changing your point of you. Switch from you vs. him to both of you vs. the issue, and you’ll be able to find the solution in a better way.
More: How to End a Fight
Take a Break
Going to bed angry might be the right thing to do when no resolution seems in sight. But when you take a break, it doesn’t always have to be overnight, even a few minutes of stopping the conflict can help. With a time-out, you might both come back more willing to compromise and solve the issue.
Remind Each Other of the Big Picture
The best way to win a fight together is to remind each other of your love. With a simple “I love you. Why are we doing this?” you might be able to put a stop to the argument right away by focusing on the big picture. You’ll still have to work out your disagreement, but you can do so without hurting each other or letting things escalate into a fight.