Falling in love means that you can talk about everything, but money isn’t always a subject that comes up even after you decide to get married. Find out how to talk about money with your fiancé, a talk you absolutely need to have before walking down the aisle.
From finding the right time to choosing which details to discuss, find out more about having a big financial talk with your loved one before tying the knot.
Figure Out the Right Time to Talk
Since money can be a sensitive issue, you have to find a good moment to bring up finances. Bring up the talk when you and your partner are both relaxed, but preferably without any alcohol involved. Whether you have something specific on your mind, like discussing how much your fiancé will contribute to the wedding costs, or simply a general talk about common finances, make sure he’s in a good mood.
Forget about Traditions
When you start to talk about money with your fiancé, don’t make any assumptions based on traditions. Whether it’s that the bride’s family has to pay for the entire wedding or that the husband is mostly in charge of the finances after, just don’t start with a preconception. You’re both equals in a relationship and you’ll share plenty of responsibilities together.
Don’t ever try to hide income, debt or assets from your partner if you want him to be honest with you too. Hiding anything, including habits like over-spending or wanting to put a cap on your spending so you always have significant savings, will backfire later on in the relationship. You don’t want to introduce half-truths or outright lies into your relationship dynamic.
Sometimes, the first discussion will only yield some general decisions, but it’s alright to get into details when you talk about money with your fiancé, especially if you plan on merging finances. You don’t have to solve anything at once, but giving out details can benefit both of you by helping you choose the right banking option.
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Find Common Ground Before Tying the Knot
People have various financial styles that include everything from the best time to pay your bills to making different arrangements for retirement. You can’t expect your partner to completely change his financial style once you start making joint decisions, so be prepared to give him some leeway, after you find the basic common ground.
Decide Whether It’s Wise to Go for Joint Assets
Nothing should be assumed when you talk about money with your fiancé, so you should both come to a decision together about the degree of financial merging. Sometimes, it’s not the best idea to go for joint assets when one partner has a lot of debt and big spending habits. Figure out what works best for the two of you.
Synchronize Your Spending Habits
Even if you’re not on the same page at the beginning, you need to start synchronizing your spending habits so you don’t end up with both of you buying the same groceries or even worse, the same expensive appliance. Again, take baby steps in the right direction, but don’t try to push your financial style as the best and only options.
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Figure Out a Joint Plan to Deal with Debt
If you start working together for a common goal, you’ll be able to get rid of debts faster than if each of you is handling their own finances. When you talk about money with your fiancé, try to approach the subject of debt without making your future hubby feel bad about his spending or finances so far.
Don’t Let Finances Ruin Equality in Your Relationship
If there’s respect in a relationship, both partners are equal, regardless of the size of their paychecks. Once you go for joint finances, there should be absolute equality, and never one-sided decision-making from the higher earner.
Turn Financial Discussion into a Regular Habit
After the first time you talk about money with your fiancé, you should turn it into a habit, but always find a good moment to discuss them. Trying to talk about money right before bedtime or when either of you is tired is a bad idea. If you’re too busy during the week, make it a weekend talk, whether it’s weekly or monthly.