Whether you decided together to take a break or actually broke up for a short time, getting back together can be a difficult process, filled with obstacles. That’s why it’s important to take a few steps to make sure that you’re creating a stronger foundation for your relationship.
Find out how to rekindle a relationship after a break, when you both decide that you want to give it another shot. From leaving past mistakes behind to improving communication, here are the right steps to take.
Make Sure You Want It for the Right Reasons
Before you put in a lot of effort into rebuilding your relationship, it’s very important to figure out if you want it back for the right reasons. If you figured out that you’re incompatible before the break, getting back together will only delay the inevitable. Don’t get back together because you’re feeling lonely and you hate being single.
When you’re trying to rekindle a relationship after a break, it’s important to forgive all the mistakes that he made, while also forgiving yourself. Sometimes it take a lot of time to forgive when a big breach of trust was involved, but it’s the only way. If you’re not open to it, then getting back together is a bad idea, and you might end up getting hurt and breaking up again.
Honesty is always important, but when you’re done taking a break in your relationship, it’s better to start with a clean slate. Be your true self and don’t keep secrets going forward. That will only undermine the foundations of your relationship. Being open to communication without judgment is also the best way to deal with future conflicts.
Move Forward with Lessons Learned
While it’s paramount that you forgive, you should never forget the lessons you learned from your relationship. Trying to rekindle a relationship after a break can work even if you don’t care about the problems you had the first time around, but you’ll end up repeating the same mistakes if neither of you learned much.
Don’t Rush Things
It’s very tempting to pick up right where you left off, but that’s not usually the best approach. If you only took a break for a week and you both realized how much you want to be together, it’s fine. But in most other cases, particularly when a break up was involved, it’s better to take things slowly. Opening up right away like nothing ever happened can trick you into making similar mistakes to the first time around.
A relationship counselor can be of help if you still have unresolved issues when you want to rekindle a relationship after a break. Getting an outside perspective can be the thing you both need in order to figure out your priorities and understanding the best way way to go forward.
Focus on Resolving Conflicts in Better Ways
If you both agreed to take a break, then you might need to analyze just how you resolve conflicts, so you don’t end up back in the same spot. Try a different approach, listen to each other more, and look for compromises where nobody is making disproportionate sacrifices compared to the other.
Easier said than done, getting back the trust level you had before the break is particularly difficult when cheating was involved. No matter why you decided to take some time apart, you shouldn’t rekindle a relationship after a break without a solid foundation of trust. That’s why taking it slowly gives you the time to decide if things are heading in the right direction.
Experiment in the Bedroom
Even after you fix all your emotional issues, there might be trouble in the bedroom. Getting back together usually causes a spike in sex drive, followed by a plateau. To keep things interesting, don’t be afraid to experiment and open up to new fantasies, after you restore the trust.
See also: The Absolute Worst Excuses for a Breakup
Leave the Past Behind
Despite your best efforts to rekindle a relationship after a break, things won’t go forward in the right way if you keep hanging on to the past. Once you forgive your partner’s mistakes and your own, leave them out of arguments. Focus on the present issues, and avoid bringing up the past when you’re dealing with a new conflict.