There are many reasons why guys develop a fear of commitment and not all of them can be overcome. If you think your guy is worth the effort, there are a few things you can do to help him solve his issue.
Find out how to help him overcome his fear of commitment, but don’t start with high expectations. Even if he’s aware of the problem, not every guy can get over it, or at least not in your timeframe. Start by listening to his feelings and don’t make the mistake of thinking your love can change him. It might, but his fear of commitment might never go away.
Don’t Take It Personally
Believe it or not, it takes more than “the right woman” to help a man move on from his commitment issues. Taking it personally is the wrong approach, as it will only lead to bad things for your self esteem and it won’t help him in any way. If your man confesses that he has a fear of commitment, taking it slowly is the right way to go.
Give Him Space
Attacking his freedom is also the wrong answer to the question of how to help him overcome his fear of commitment. If you really think there’s a chance for the two of you, give him space while he figures out how much he wants to be with you. When you make him miss you, he’s more likely to let go of his relationship hang ups.
Try to Figure Out the Root of the Problem
No man is born a commitment-phobe, so finding out more about the cause of his issue can help you find a solution. Whether his exes cheated on him or broke his heart, you can slowly make him understand that you won’t do the same. Open up to him and let him into your life, without pressure, while gently letting him understand he’s irreplaceable to you.
Show Him Empathy
Sometimes the best way to help him overcome his fear of commitment is to show a bit of empathy. Understanding where he’s coming from and listening to his feelings without dismissing them as wrong can go a long way. Therapy might be of help to him, but not before he accepts his problem and realizes that he wants to overcome it.
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Manage Your Expectations
If you’re looking for the perfect romance, a commitment-phobe will always disappoint you. His vision of the relationship is different than yours, so managing your expectations helps both of you. While he won’t feel pressured and suffocated, you won’t feel frustrated. If you’re always in a rush to get to the next level of your relationship, he’ll try distance himself from you even more.
Don’t Try to Use Guilt
Every relationship has responsibilities, but your guy might be less inclined to respect them. When you’re trying to help him overcome his fear of commitment, you shouldn’t use guilt to get him to act the way you think he should. Guilt trips have only one effect on a guy who’s dealing with commitment phobia, and that’s pushing him away.
Focus on Yourself
Showing him that you’re an independent person and you don’t need him can help. Don’t be dismissive when he craves attention, simply make an effort to focus on yourself and the things that are important to you, so he’ll understand that you’re not needy and you’re not expecting him to be responsible for your happiness.
Don’t Critize His Issue
Even if you’re frustrated by his lack of progress, criticism won’t help him overcome his fear of commitment. The problem with you expressing your frustration in general terms is that it’s coming across as dismissive. It can also hurt him by making him feel inferior to you, who don’t have this issue. If you have complaints, be specific.
Find Common Goals
Instead of expecting every sign of commitment from him, focus on a few common goals. Showing him that he can be supportive of you without feeling trapped is a big step ahead, and when he appreciates your support, he’ll get why commitment isn’t that bad.
Set a Time Limit
Sometimes, despite your efforts to help him overcome his fear of commitment, things stay the same. That’s why it’s important to set a time limit and stick to it. If you want a family or a big commitment, don’t wait around for the guy who can’t deliver, no matter how much you love him.