Trusting your instinct at the beginning of a relationship is very important, but there are also plenty of signs that can help you realize something is wrong. Recognizing the signs he’s going to be abusive is very important so you can avoid a traumatic experience.
While all of these red flags can point to many other relationship issues, when you’re seeing a few of them in the same guy, there’s an increased risk that he’ll be abusive. Cut your losses and end a relationship when your guy is showing most of the signs.
A little jealousy is a healthy part of most relationships, but when he’s showing more than the usual, it might be a red flag. When jealousy and possessiveness get out of hand, emotional, verbal and even physical abuse aren’t fat off. The reason for this also has to do with his insecurities, but jealousy in the first stages of a relationship is never a good sign.
He Gets Controlling
Controlling behaviour is one of the biggest signs he’s going to be abusive. It’s usually justified by claiming that it’s for the victim’s own good, but it can get dangerous quickly. For some men who show controlling impulse, the result is emotional abuse, but refusing to subject yourself to it can also lead to physical violence.
He Doesn’t Respect You
If you’re feeling disrespected, take a step back and analyze the issue. This type of behaviour can vary from pressuring you for sex to putting you down and showing no interest in your opinions. Double standards are a also a bad sign, so if his expectations from you don’t match his behaviour towards you, he might be prone to abuse.
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He Always Shifts Blame Away from Himself
Accepting responsibility is also an issue for many abusers, and they try to shift the blame on the victim or anyone else even when it comes to physical abuse. Feeling wronged by everyone and avoiding responsibility for his own actions is a huge red flag for a guy, and one of the biggest signs he’s going to be abusive.
He Wants the Relationship to Progress Quickly
Many abusers want to speed up the relationship in the beginning so they can establish control. If he’s coming on too strong, that might mean he’s falling for you, but before you get too excited make sure that he’s not exhibiting any of the other red flags for abuse before making a commitment to him.
He Wants You All to Himself
One of the most obvious signs he’s going to be abusive has to do with his attempts to isolate you from your support system, whether that means friends, family or both. If he wants you to himself and keeps trying to get between you and the positive people in your life, you shouldn’t stand for it. End the relationship sooner rather than later.
He’s Very Sensitive to Any Perceived Attack
Hypersensitivity is another red flag, especially if he gets verbally abusive when he feels he’s being attacked or insulted. Even innocent remarks can come off as personal attacks, and his short fuse might even make him proven to taking out his rage on objects.
He Suffers from Mood Swings
Violent outbursts that come out of nowhere or mood swings are other important signs he’s going to be abusive. While the cause could be mental illness, if he’s showing a few other abuse red flags, it might just be part of his controlling persona.
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He Has a Negative Attitude toward Women
The way he sees women is something you should always pay attention to, from the women in his family to complete strangers or his thoughts on celebrities. If he has disparaging things to say about every woman in his life except you, that’s a big problem. His negative attitude toward women will not be isolated for long, and you’ll end up becoming one of the women he hates sooner or later.
He Has a History of Abuse
Past abuse is a big warning sign, but his attitude about it tells you what you really need to know. A single isolated incident which made him feel ashamed and sad doesn’t automatically mean he’s a horrible person. However, one of the most obvious signs he’s going to be abusive is his belief that it wasn’t his fault and he doesn’t need to change in any way.