A divorce is a very stressful experience that leaves many women emotionally vulnerable, so getting back to dating isn’t exactly the easiest thing. There are many mistakes you can make that will keep you single or just prevent you from finding the right guy.
In order to increase your chances for a successful relationship, it’s important to know and avoid the most common dating mistakes after divorce. From starting a rebound relationship too quickly to testing everyone you date, here’s what not to do when you want to date again.
1. Dating Before You’re Prepared
Taking your time to get ready for a new relationship is very important. It doesn’t matter if your ex has already moved on, it’s not a contest. Focus on the lessons you learned from the failed marriage in order to prepare yourself for dating again. If you’re lonely, spend more time with friends instead of starting a relationship before you’re ready.
2. Expecting the New Guy to Fix Your Heart
Healing a broken heart is up to you. One of the biggest dating mistakes after divorce is thinking that once you find the right guy everything will fall into place. You can’t depend on a new boyfriend to help you work through the pain and the baggage of your divorce. Setting expectations that are too high will result in disappointment and more heartache.
3. Blaming Everything on Your Ex
There are many situations in which one partner is completely at fault for the end of a marriage, but in most cases, everyone has a lesson to learn from the failed relationship. If you blame everything on your ex, you won’t be able to move on the right way, and the guys you date will pick up on the fact that you’re not really ready for a new relationship.
See also: 10 Reasons to Stop Looking for Mr. Right
4. Don’t Let Yourself Get Fooled by Compliments
If things can had been bad in your relationship well before the split, you might be tempted to fall for the first man who knows how to deliver a compliment. If you don’t make sure that you’re taking your time and protecting yourself from the wrong kind of guy, you’re making one of the major dating mistakes after divorce.
5. Don’t Act on Desperation
Trust your judgment, not your heart once you start dating again. If you’re feeling lonely, you might be tempted to settle for less. Most men can certainly feel the desperation and many of them aren’t above taking advantage of it. Don’t jump into serious relationships too fast just to prove to yourself you’re still lovable.
6. Hiding Your Real Self
You won’t be able to find the right partner if you’re not being yourself when you date. One of the biggest dating mistakes after divorce is trying to be the version of yourself you think you should be instead of focusing on your own happiness. Trying to be the woman you think he wants won’t end well.
7. Feeling Discouraged When There’s No Spark
Dating can be hard, but the important thing is that you keep a positive attitude. You might meet plenty of men that fit all your criteria but there’s simply no spark. Don’t feel guilty because you’re not connecting, but don’t waste their time either. There’s no reason to go on a second date if you don’t genuinely like the guy.
8. Taking on Too Much
One of the worst dating mistakes after divorce is falling for a guy who’s great, except for this one small thing. It’s never a small thing if you can spot it right away. Everyone has baggage, but when his is obvious from the first date, taking on too much is probably a bad idea. Don’t think you can fix him before you work on yourself and find happiness again.
9. Playing Games and Testing Your Dates
It’s perfectly normal to be wary of a guy who’s too much like your ex, but that doesn’t mean you can play games to put your date to the test to prove he’s not the same. Be honest and treat him with the respect you want in return.
10. Thinking Sex Can Fix Loneliness
One of the major dating mistakes after divorce is trying to fill the hole in your heart with sex. Have fun if that’s what you want, but if what you really want is a meaningful relationship, sexual compatibility alone isn’t enough, as important as it is in any relationship.