i dont know what to do help me

ever sense my bf broke up with me we were still friends and we were still talking , I wanted my ex back so bad and he didn’t know it and I didn’t want to tell him . He doesn’t love me no more so I started getting really depressed and I kept saying a lot of mean things to him that I don’t mean like I don’t love u anymore I finale found the love of my life and your In the way I didn’t mean It I tried to apologize but he didn’t forgive me I told him im hurt and everything but he still didn’t forgive me . Then he said goodbye forever . I didn’t mean to hurt him I didn’t want to hurt him he hurt me I love him tho. But could I make this better ? i wanna fix this ?

being called a retarded or having your guy say there embarssed date you