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bryncannon

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21 Jul 1800

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bryncannon asked:

30 Jan 2012

Can someone please tell me if my poetry is good?

I am trying to start a new hobbie and i recently wrote a poem. This is my first poem and I want to know what you guys think. I dont know if this poem is finished or if i'll add on. I want the truth and i will not be offended by anything you guys tell me. Here it is.......



I love you do you love me too

Do you even care

That I threw my heart out to you

I thought you wouldn't dare

Tear it in two,

Oh and you wouldnt even care

I love you do you love me too



You could have stopped the river

From flowing

I've never been much of a forgiver

I'll tell you it isn't slowing

You could have stopped the river

From flowing



Why am I holding your hand

I squeeze it once, I squeeze it twice

Maybe you don't understand

Or you're just not nice

You treat it like a command

Your heart I swear is made of ice

Why am I holding your hand

Answers

vampkisses

vampkisses says:

Posted on 30 Jan 2012

your pretty good (: I like it alot (:

xxxvikkiixxx

xxxvikkiixxx says:

Posted on 30 Jan 2012

Really Good...

sceenieweeniemarie

sceenieweeniemarie says:

Posted on 30 Jan 2012

Woah Thats Better Than What I've Ever Wrote..(: Very Talented At Coming Up With Things Like That.(:

jackie_walsh

jackie_walsh says:

Posted on 30 Jan 2012

I think it's a great first poem. I liked the way you started and ended each stanza with the same line. And I could feel the author's (you I guess) frustration that the other person won't respond to her needs. Good job Bryn!

dragana94

dragana94 says:

Posted on 30 Jan 2012

Like it a lot :)))

sjtishrgnd

sjtishrgnd says:

Posted on 30 Jan 2012

Beautiful! I love it! I wish I could write poetry.

brokenbutterfly

brokenbutterfly says:

Posted on 30 Jan 2012

I like it:) I write poetry as well, only it's free form, so it doesn't rhyme, but very good job!

neonsrt

neonsrt says:

Posted on 30 Jan 2012

i like it : )

fathima

fathima says:

Posted on 31 Jan 2012

good :) keep it up !!

veronicanelson

veronicanelson says:

Posted on 01 Feb 2012

i really love it. the feeling it gives away as well. i thought i'd give a bit of criticism too, do you mind?
as pretty as it sounds when you end and begin each stanza with the same line, it might seem like you're trying too hard to keep it up.
if you feel like it has an ending, you shouldn't add anything and personally, i think it's gorgeous the way it is.
also, it doesn't always have to rhyme, so don't push that either. it's good that you've got it all covered, the basic parts of what a poem is, and again, i like it.
keep it up
xo rony

meant2bfamous

meant2bfamous says:

Posted on 07 Dec 2012

I like it........ a lot haha

bryncannon

bryncannon says:

Posted on 30 Jan 2012

Thanks! :)

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