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Published on: 04 Jun 2012 by renderella
Have you lost someone you held dear? Not someone who moved away, but someone whose life is now over and they are in the ground.
Are you still having issues coping with your loss?
Do you dwell on their death and think you could have done better while they were around?
Do you have many regrets when you think about this person?
If you say yes to all these questions then this is definitely for you. I want you, all of you, to understand something. I know it's hard to deal with, but they will NEVER come back. Okay well let me not say never because children are being born everyday and you never know what scientific discovery we will come up with next, but...for now...
You have to deal with this, and you have to get over it. I have a hard time myself dealing with death. I remember when I was about 7 years old and my Grandmother died. I had never met her and when my mother got the call that she died we were all at home in the living room. Everyone else hugged my mom and were sad, but I started laughing. Everyone got mad at me and told me to go to my room. When I was younger I never knew anyone who had died. I knew people went away, but I couldn't cope with it because I didn't believe that people could die. I know that sounds kind of stupid, but I was a book nerd and didn't read about people dying, but I didn't know it could happen. This happening still didn't really affect me and I say that sadly because I wish it did.
Now I have a close friend who knew a guy that had died in a car accident many year ago. This friend is one of my best friend whom I have known since before sixth grade. She CLUCHES to this guys death and it gets really bad around the time he died. She talks about all the things she wishes she would have done. How she wishes she would have been with him and not his brother and all this other stuff.
I'm here to say that you should never regret the time you spent with someone who has died. Would you want people to regret what they did with you? I think everyone plays a part in someone else's life and what you did or didn't do makes a difference, but you can't try to take back what you did do. Don't blame yourself for what happened thinking that you could have changed things. We do not have time travel and if we did this world most likely wouldn't be here. Don't try to control what's in the hands of the Universe.
I kind of believe the world is like the movie final destination. Your date for departure and even if you knew the date, time, and location it would still happen no matter what.
The one thing I want from everyone is to not dwell on it. Don't let the pain of losing someone affect your life. You can ultimately put yourself into a horrid state of depression. I saw this first hand with my friend...i hurt me like crazy because I couldn't do anything. The best thing for you to do is to be with others. Go out and have a good time. That is what your friend/relative/lover would want you to do! Don't cause yourself pain because they left, but I'm not saying go out and party like you've never partied before because that would just cause you to feel guilt and others to worry about you even more.
Happiness is supposed to be everyones goal in life and you can't achieve that if you are constantly worry over someone who is already gone.
My brothers best friend died, I believe it was 5 years ago. You would think it was yesterday. He got into a motorcycle accident and had internal bleeding. He was in his 20's....that's just sad. Now this did hit me hard because even though I didn't hang out with him as much a my bro, I did see my brother suffering from it. He got very angry and just sick. He didn't want to be around people, and really only wanted to be with the friends that knew him and to this day he still hangs out with those friends. He ended up getting a tattoo of RIP....on his chest, my best friend did the same thing.
I am not a fan of tattoos, but it was a way of saying goodbye for them. They wanted to always remember these people. I understand that people cope differently, but if you have to do something special every year just to remember that person then do it if it will help! Whatever helps you do it! BUT if it is something that will ultimately hurt you physically, mentally, or overly emotionally then you shouldn't do it.
I feel that I may have bounced a lot of this conversation all over the place, but I had to stop a lot do to being at work. I want you all to know that if you ever feel that you can't handle the death of someone that there is help. If you don't want to get professional help, there are those who pretend to be professionals and will try there best to make you feel better (me).
I hope your lives get better and I hope that the losses that do happen in your life doesn't cause you any intense grief or suffering. Stay strong everyone!
YOU ARE LOVED ^_^