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Published on: 20 Apr 2012 by mimi_anetionete
everyone gotta have somebody
sometimes all you can do is have yourself
to tell yourself that you are worth it.
that you are appropriate.
sometimes you gotta dig deep down and dig that shit outta you
and turn that negative thing into a positive thing
and take that destructive spiral
the need for fame & glamour
and make it into a weapon
cuz sometimes being a bitch
is the only thing a girl has to hold onto. <3
i've been called so many things in my life, from cunt to bitch to sexy to ugly to fat to thin to just right and just wrong. That's okay though because i know what i'm doing, and i said fuck you, and i got my ass kicked sometimes, or i kicked ass sometimes. most of the time they just turn away and walk away and you never hear from them again, and that's called standing up for yourself.
every morning when i get up i do my routine. i cannot survive without a routine. I do my hair meticulously, I apply my make up carefully, select my clothes artfully. I drink coffee and kiss my fiance on the cheek and hop on my way out to work. sometimes this routine drives me crazy and i feel so sad, depressed and worthless that i can't even bring myself to smile. i meet up with my friends and we go shopping, and i always think at the end of the day, "why the fuck did i buy all this shit? I'm going to wear it once and throw it away." then i think of all the kids who don't even have decent clothes. then i clean out my closet and bring it to the salvation army.
it's little things that i do like that, that make me feel like a superstar. like audrey hepburn or kim campbell. they remind me that i'm human, that i am lucky, and i must give to those who aren't.
i was once told by an older girl (perhaps bitten by envy) that i dress up so much, who am i dressing up for? what must my fiance think? who are you dressing up for, mimi, your man or other men?
i seethed with anger but held my tongue before some acidic backtalk emerged, and just smiled a little and didn't answer. truth is, when i see a hot guy or some cute guy is flirting with me, all i can think of is my man, sitting at home waiting for me with a fresh cup of coffee and a hot bath, i just scoff and shut that guy down. because i would never, ever trade the little things, even the tiniest, inconscipicous things, for a one night stand, and give up what makes my heart hammer and my stomach flutter every time my fiance kisses me.
i always hold the door open when i'm leaving or entering. if i am being bitched at, no matter how idiotic the situation is, no matter how obviously i am in the right, i will adhere to my superiors. i always regard my clients as "sir" and "ma'am" as that is what will get you ahead in life.
five years down the road when i'm plugging out resume and thesis and trying to get hired at law firms and correctional facilities across the province, it's not a piece of paper that will get me hired. it will be, "hey, i remember her. she had Respect."
kindness is the new black.