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Published on: 12 Feb 2011 by jess_crazystupid
For once i don't have to pretend i know what i am talking about. i have been in this situation once and i am in it again, with the same person. Yes, that is right, we've broken up twice now but i am still going to do everything to get him back, and i will.
The reason i am so sure of this is because i have already done it once and you can do it too!
You are probably feeling like your whole world has shattered to pieces and your heart has been ripped into mutiple segments leaving you with an empty feeling of which you believe will never be healed. Stop there. This is where you are wrong and in order to get him back this is what you need to sort out first my friend.
The first step to getting back the love of your life is to concentrate on you. Forget about him for a while and the main thing, DO.NOT.CONTACT.HIM. Okay so right now you're thinking what the hell is this girl who's written this on, but honest to God this will work. You need to leave him alone for a while. Eventhough it may not seem like it, he too is feeling hurt and lost, even if he has a new girlfriend already...This does not in any way mean he has forgotten you. Remember you were the one that filled his life with happiness for the past weeks, months or even years. He will not be able to forget you that easily, if ever.
Whilst not contacting him, he will be wondering what you are doing that is so much more important than talking to the person you have said you love and have begged to come back previously. In time he will start to miss you too. If you always used to be there or have made the BIG MISTAKE of begging him to come back he's going to start feeling a little empty without you.
So now you are thinking 'shit i made that big mistake you just mentioned'. DO NOT PANIC. It is not too late, infact i doubt it ever is too late. If you love him and are determined to get him back then you will do anything you can WHICH INCLUDES not contacting him. The next couple of weeks are going to be difficult as your natural reaction is to text him everyday. To avoid this happening, perhaps leave your phone at home some days or promise yourself to only check in three times in a day. Perseverance is what you need for step one and trust me girl, you have it inside you, you've just got to use it.
In all honesty, step two does get so much easier. Gradually begin to let the no talking situation come to an end after two weeks or so. Perhaps just start a light conversation with your ex, such as 'hey, long time no speak, how are you doing?' This will gently and nicely invite your ex to communicate with you without the pressure of you begging them to come back to you because you 'can't survive without them' type of thing. Your ex is sure to reply because without two weeks of contact they are going to be wondering what you have been up to and perhaps even miss you a bit. (we hope!)
Another way to gently begin communicating again is to invite him to have an opinion on something like this for example; 'hey, i was just wondering if you could give me an opinion on ....' and then say whatever it is. Even if you have just made it up, everyone, especially guys, like being made to feel special and enjoy knowing that their opinion is valued, even like i said, if you've just made it up! He won't know that. Now, having started small talking to your ex again this is the crucial part to get right. If you mess up here, there is more than likely NO TURNING BACK.
The number one rule here is to NOT under any circumstance begin begging and pleading to have him back again. There is no other way, just do not do it girls.
So, you've been talking to your ex for about a week or so again now but you feel like you're getting no where and are feeling like the lonely person you were when they first broke your heart. Do not let this happen to you. Go out with friends, listen to music, take up a new hobby, take a run. Just do anything to stop your mind wandering and makign you feel un-necessarily upset.
Notice i said 'go out with friends'. You see, he is your friend again.. Why not casually ask him to meet you. ONLY AS FRIENDS THOUGH. If you suggest anything more, your ex will feel pressurised and most likely decline you at the fear you're going to try to force him into getting back with you. Choose the right time for this, if your ex is in a bad mood, don't ask him then, wait until you're having a nice conversation which doesn't involve anything about the break up. That way he will know you only want to meet AS FRIENDS and nothing more... for now.
If you can get to meet him, you are now in a perfect situation and position to finally getting him back. The first time you see him again after however long it has been is going to be hard, very hard. I'm not going to lie to you. All you are going to want to do is hold him and never let go. Do not let this get the better of you. If your ex notices this whilst you are meeting again for the first time in ages, he will most likely back off again because it may not be what he wants, right now that is.
Gradually THINGS WILL GET BETTER. I know it is going to seem like a neverending battle and you're going to feel like you just cannot do it anymore but always remind yourself what it is about your ex that has made you want them back in the first place. You need to remind yourself that THEY ARE WORTH IT.
You may find that in actual fact things aren't going too well and to be honest there is not much you can do about that. BUT in most cases your ex will gradually be becoming closer to you again as long as you keep acting as friends, be there for him whenever he needs someone, even if he has a new girlfriend and is upset about an argument they have had. Remember you care about this guy and have come this far that you simply cannot let him go now.
Now is the time to start letting memories flow back into the conversations you and him engage in. Don't over do it though. Perhaps mention that you went somewhere the other day that reminded you of him. (It may even be a place you and him once went to, even better)
This will get your ex's emotions flowing again and the memories will also be coming back to him. Memories do not fade remember. EVEN IF HE SAYS HE HATES YOU, chances are he does not and is only saying this to make you feel bad and to make him feel better about himself. You were the girl that he once fell in love with remember, and who is to say you can't make him fall in love with you again.
BUT HE HAS SOMEONE ELSE! )':
We have all been there, he has broken your heart and within a matter of weeks or days even he has found someone else. THIS IS NOT THE END THOUGH.
In all honesty, who in their right mind can fall for someone else in only a few days. Do not feel dis-heartened by this new relationship because chances are this new girl is just a rebound girl so to say. He has picked her because she is most likely an easy target and NINETY PERCENT OF REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS FAIL VERY QUICKLY. He is just subconciously trying to forget you. He may say hurtful things to you or say he hates you, but no-one can forget about someone that easily. This girl is just someone to occupy him as he too is feeling alone. Remember, you have both lost a huge part of your life and it is not going to be easy for him either, no-matter how much he thinks and says it is.
Do not forget that in many cases, this new relationship is almost certainly fake. Remember how long it took you two to build up your love and trust for each other? Of course he can't have done it with someone else that soon even if he tells you so. He is lying to himself because that is what he wants to believe. Guys never want to accept that they have made the wrong decision about something and guaranteed your ex will not come back to you even if their new relationship is pathetic and 'fake'. They will try to make you jealous in so many ways but all you have to do is IGNORE HIM. IGNORE WHAT HE SAYS. You've got to accept that he thinks he is happy with someone else and get on with things. Sooner or later their relationship will end. Like i said earlier, NINETY PERCENT OF REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS DO NOT LAST.
Also, look at their past relationship history. Have they got a history of jumping from girl to girl with you inbetween being the 'one' that lasted alot longer. Does that not tell you something? YOU ARE DIFFERENT TO THE OTHERS AND BETTER THAN THE REBOUNDS YOUR EX IS GOING AFTER.
You are the one that made him happy for so much longer than these other girls and you can do it again. Your ex is going to realise this one day. He is going to start missing what's different about you to them. They are jsut an easy target for him. You are the one that he FELL IN LOVE WITH the first time round and if he fell in love with you once, there is no reason why you cannot make him love you again.
This is not going to be easy for you. Infact it is possibly going to cause more hurt and pain than the actual breakup did itself, but remember, you are taking steps towards having him back again and does that not make you the happiest person? Look into the future, look at you and him together again, in each others arms. YOU WILL GET THERE.
I wish you all the best of luck. Follow these steps carefully and precisely. One small mistake could ruin your chances completely and that is the last thing you want. The pain and hurt will bring you happiness and love at the end of the road.
If you need anything just inbox me(:
you are f u c k i n g p e r f e c t .
Make yourself attractive- keep up your self appearance. If you let yourself become tired and don't bother anymore with the way you look this will reflect onto your ex and make you un-attractive to him. Feel good about yourself so he has postive emotions towards and about you too.
Wait patiently- calling, texting, emailing him is not waiting in patience. He does not want this and you should not under any circumstance do it. Patience IS a virtue.
Gently let memories come back into conversation but do nto over do it.
Beg- it gives him a sense of power over you and shows that you are weak. You do not want this to happen.
Turn to things such as drugs and alcohol or even self harm- this will not help you or anyone else.
Act cocky- eventhough you know you are carefully manipulating him into loving you again, do not let it show through your words. It is a mjor turn off.
Date someone else- i know this sounds crazy, but if you date someone else not only are you pulling yourself away from your ex, you are showing them that you don't need them which in turn makes then pull away from you. It could also result in you breaking this new guys heart because it is not what you ttruly wanted in the first place.
Offend his new girlfriend (if this is the case)- if you do this, your ex will lose all respect for you. Think about it the other way around and he started being rude about your new boyfriend. It's going to pull him away from you and make him not want to talk to you if you are abusing her. However much you may not like her and think you 'hate' her, you have got to just let it happen and act cool about it.