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Published on: 25 Jan 2012 by fathima
How Husbands ShouldTreat Their Wives.
This is Part 2 of the Series: “Love, Sex, And
Marriage in Islam.”
Men and women are different. Despite
being equal in every mental aspect and
almost every physical aspect, we are still
different. Therefore, it should be no
surprise that there is a difference in how
husbands treat their wives and wives treat
The most important emotion a husband
can show his wife is love. That is what
women are looking for from their men.
Respect, friendship, and support are all
important. But love is the foundation of all
of these things.
I can give you all sorts of anecdotal
evidence. Stories about women enduring
all sorts of mental abuse and neglect
because want their men to love them. And
I can also cite cases where a woman would
leave an otherwise good man if she feels he
doesn’t love her.
But rather than do that, I’ ll just quote from
the Quran and hadith .
And live with them in kindness.
For if you dislike them – perhaps
you dislike a thing and Allah
makes therein much good.
Surah Nisa Verse 19
And from the hadith:
He has further stressed: “The
most perfect believer in the
matter of faith is one who has
excellent behavior; and the best
among you are those who
behave best towards their
wives.” Collected by At-Tirmidhi .
Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon
him) are showing us the way men should
behave with their wives.
Treat them with kindness.
Do not dislike or hate them.
Treat them with the best behavior.
It is very difficult to have a relationship like
this with a woman and not love her.
And the interesting thing is, the more you
love your wife, the more she respects you.
Which brings me to my next point.
How Wives Should Treat
Men don’ t need love as much as women
do. But what men do need is respect. Men
will fight each other over perceived
disrespect. So it is important that a woman
always show respect towards her husband.
Respect means to hold someone in esteem
or honor. What men most want from their
wives is to be honored and respected. The
easiest way to turn your husband against
you is to attack his ego.
And on the other side, the more respect
you show your husband, the more he will
The command to respect your husband
comes from Allah in the Quran when He
So righteous women are
devoutly obedient, guarding in
[the husband's ] absence what
Allah would have them guard.
Surah Nisaa Verse 34.
And from the hadith:
When any woman prays her five,
fasts her month, guards her
body and obeys her husband, it
is said to her: ‘Enter paradise
from whichever of its doors you
wish.’” Collected by At-Tirmidhi .
So you see that the primary commandment
for a woman towards her husband is to
respect him through obedience and
And it so happens that when a woman
increases her respect for her husband, he
likewise increases in love for her.
And when a man increases his love for his
wife, she likewise increases in respect for
It Takes Two To Make A
Chances are if you ask a man why he
doesn’t show more love to his wife, he
would say: “I will love her more when she
respects me more.”
And if you ask a woman why she doesn’t
respect her husband she may say: “I will
respect him more when he loves me
The fact is it takes two people to make a
marriage work. The husband has to show
his love to his wife in order to gain her
respect. And the wife has to show her
respect to her husband to gain his love.
This love and respect also plays out in
sexual relations between husband and wife
as I explain in “The Ultimate Muslim Sex
Guide.” Men are turned on by women who
respect them and women are turned on by
men who love them.
My advice to you, if you are already
married, is to begin showing your spouse
more love and respect.
Brothers, whatever stage of marriage
you’re in, show your wife that you love her.
Kiss her more often; not just when you
*Buy her little gifts for no reason at all.
*Just tell her you love her and why you
*love her and tell it from your heart.
If you do this, you will see your relationship
with your wife grow to unprecedented
levels. Your wife will begin to treat you like
the great man she always wanted to marry.
Sisters, the same for you. Whatever stage
of marriage you’re in, show your husband
that you respect him.
*Obey him without question when he
asks for something within reason.
*Let him be the man; do not shout at
him or belittle him.
Ask his opinion and advice about things
in your daily life.
When you do this, you will see your
husband’ s love for you begin to overflow.
He will want to love you and protect you
and make you happy in any way he can.
For those of you who are not married,
please take this advice and keep it in the
back of your mind. It’s very easy to lose
love and respect for your spouse after the
honeymoon is over.
But try with everything you’ve got to give
love and respect and, Inshallah, you’ll get
so much more back in return.